Book 3.5- Masked & Miserable

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Masked… Miserable…

Squick has been a longtime fixture of The Sacred Heart’s MC. His boss, Trigger, is their Sargent at Arms after all. It took a while for him to put together a bike to become an official hangaround then prospect and he was pretty thrilled that his other boss, Zander, took the plunge with him. Still, Squick is hiding something, something big that could test friendships, destroy relationships and it has become a mask that is becoming increasingly difficult for him to wear.

Squick is miserable, there’s no denying it, and of course now that he is on the very cusp of patching in, that’s when Aaron walks in to his life.  Suddenly it’s do or die… Come out to the club and lose the brotherhood and the only sense of true family he has ever known, or don’t and lose them anyways when they find out about Aaron. Squick doesn’t see a third option, and the deeper he gets in to his situation the more his misery compounds. Just what will he do?


“I don’t know Andy… You tell me your club is just a club that they don’t do anything illegal and everything is above board but you guys clearly did something bad because you won’t talk about it, I mean what could be worse than…” he stopped and his dark eyes widened as he finally got it I think.

“Shhh, don’t say anything,” I put my fingertips to his lips and he looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time ever.

“What did you do?” he asked and the question was full of fear and horror.

“Aaron, I swear to you, I did exactly what I told you. I sat on the front porch of that cabin and watched out for the girls inside. I didn’t hurt anybody, I didn’t even have to threaten anybody. The guys went out, handled what needed handling and left me with the order to shoot anything that wasn’t in Sacred Hearts or Kraken colors. I didn’t have to though, no one that wasn’t supposed to be there came around. It was just me and the girls.” Aaron gave me a hard look.

“Would you have?” he asked bluntly.

“Would I have what?” I asked.

“Shot one of them if they came around… done what they told you to do?” he was looking at me as if the answer to this question would decide a lot of things and I felt totally alone. I took my hands from his and fixed my gaze on a stray goose feather on top of the comforter.

“If it came down to it, and they were coming to hurt one of the girls or cause trouble at the cabin, yes. I would have done everything to warn them off first, but if they were coming to hurt Ashton or Everett or Shelly or any of them I would have protected my own. This is my family Aaron,” I sniffed and felt my shoulders drop as he scooted off the bed.

“I’m not a violent guy Andy,” he said.

“I’m not either Aaron, you gotta believe that, but I didn’t start this. None of us did, and I can’t and won’t let those animals hurt these people… or me, or you. I love this club and the people in it. At the end of the day these guys, these women, they’re all I’ve got in the world. I have no more mother, no more father or sister. They turned their backs on me but you know what? These guys never will. Never. Not ever, and I won’t turn my back either.” I was getting angry. I knew it wasn’t at Aaron, just angry seemed like such a better option right now than hurt and Aaron was fixing to hurt me but good. I’d let him get under my skin, let him in far too quickly and I was about to pay the price.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“I need to think about all of this,” he said quietly. I nodded, mutely. I didn’t trust myself to speak. The silence stretched between us. Finally I broke it and it killed me to do it.

“I’ll have Sunshine or Doll drive you home. Thanks for coming to the shop, for being at the hospital.” I got up a little too quickly and swayed on my feet. Aaron reached out but I took a step back. I didn’t want to add to an already shitty enough night. Clean break, like ripping off a Band-Aid; that was the best way to go with these kinds of things, right?

“Please don’t do that, please no, I don’t quite know what to do with all of this Andy, this is a lot… You almost died! You got blown up! And now you’re telling me you’re in the middle of some kind of war with a rival motorcycle gang and that people have been getting shot and raped and, and, and… disappeared!? It’s a lot to process and I don’t know what to do or how to deal and so I just need a little bit of time to think!” he looked like he was about to cry and I listened to everything he was saying and even though it fucking hurt like a son of a bitch, he was right.

I was ass deep in trouble and sinking fast and it had the potential to bleed all over him and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him getting hurt. This was all way out of pocket and I didn’t know how it was going to end up. I mean shit, The Suicide Kings used a fucking bomb tonight. They blew my place of work sky fucking high! I needed Aaron out of this. I needed him safe and I needed to make sure he stayed that way and so I did that, the only way I knew how… and it was the biggest dick thing I could do or say but I said it anyways:

“Sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind already,” I said and licked my lips. I felt hot and shaky with adrenaline I didn’t want to do this I didn’t want to lose him but I didn’t want Aaron getting caught up in this mess.

“Andy that’s not what I meant and you know it,” he said and his jaw set into stubborn lines.

“Isn’t it? Dude, Aaron it’s cool. It was fun while it lasted and MC life, it’s not for everyone,” I hung my head and palmed the back of my neck so he couldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes as I tried to say as nonchalantly as possible, “It was fun while it lasted right?” I saw his shoulders drop and the stricken expression on his face through the edge of my vision and I felt like a grade ‘A’ number one jackass.

“Andy,” his voice faltered.

“I’ll get one of the girls to drive you home,” I mumbled again and I was out the door. I found Ash and Hayden and Hayden slipped out to drive Aaron home while Ashton held me while I cried. Shit this sucked. This sucked fucking hard.

Text Copyright © 2015 A.J. Downey

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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